Twisted Transition

I'm probably going to break my rules about being calm and contemplative and not bitchy in this blog, but I am past the point of caring.

So, I'm all moved in to my happy little home in CR, and I have many of the little comforts (oh dear God, may I never have to live without internet again) that make it worth it, but the transition from college student to independent individual is going about as well as you would expect a fuck-up like me to manage it. No definite job, no real prospects, few marketable skills and nothing more than a high school diploma in certification, no driver's license, no reliable transportation. Yeah, I planned this well.

I taught myself to tie a tie today. I have never felt quite as hopeless as I do now. Even should I find work, it's not like I'll do much more than survive, and entertain myself a bit. Ugh. What happened to me? I had such promise. In any case, for me, it's the necessities first, and if I feel like I need to expand my life, I'll just have to find a way to do so.

When did life become so small, anyway? It seems like last week my focus was on the problems of the world; now I'm busy trying to figure out survival. I used to complain of feeling like I was a side character in someone else's story. Being somewhat Sartrean, that's kind of a bittersweet analysis, reminiscent of Simone de Beauvoir's long and unfair dismissal as Sartre's footnote. Now I feel as if I've passed into the stage where I'm just making cameos for my die-hard crazy fans. Being a secondary character is better than being written out of the story entirely.